I don't really have crisis of belief. I really doubt my cognitive sense of God, salvation, mercy, grace, and faith in general could be shaken. I have been through bad jobs, two house fires, sickness, rejection, depression, and any number of other testing moments and never once did I question God's presence in it all. I may have had doubts about my calling, or some of my own decisions but never about the "realness" of God. Never about the "personalness" (fake word I know but you get the idea) either. I qualify that because it is one thing to believe in "an impersonal force out there somewhere" and another to believe in a being with thoughts and feelings that often include me and my welfare. Even in those times when life deals me a poor hand, (or those times when the hand I am dealt is pretty solid but I make a bad play) I know He is there. Watching. Pleading. Working. Weeping. He is very active in my life. I hear Him in the background often. Like soft music in a restaurant. Sometimes I see him clearly, sometimes he steps out of focus. But always. He is here.

I know you are here right now. watching as I type this. How is it that you are so involved in my life when I so often distance myself from you? I want you. I want more of you that is. You are too much for me so I can't have all of You. But I want more. I want to hunger and thirst for righteousness...And here you are...Offering what I desire, no strings attached...As much of You as I care to take in..Free...Awesome...Satisfying...You. The Rock, the Shelter, the Refuge, The Bread of life, The Water of Life. You raised dry bones from the desert. You put flesh on those dead dry bones. Moisture. Blood. Stretching and wrapping. They were beyond rotting, beyond repair. Yet LIFE.

Breath on me o Healer. Put flesh on these bones. Make me new. Revive in me what is true. Resurrect passion. Raise commitment. Restore what is good and strip me of what holds me back. Remove the stench of death and sin and impurity. I know you are here. I know You are in this place because I am here. I know you are. I know you. You are.